Iran claims to have sent a monkey into orbit and plans to put a man into space by the end of the decade. Big news . . . except that we did it 65 years ago! Here are the Top Signs Your Country Has a Bad Space Program.
--Instead of Roman gods, space missions are named after former members of Menudo.
--They launch ships into space with a big-ass slingshot.
--Their mascot is a wide-eyed, terrified monkey.
--The dashboard on the ships have three buttons: Start. Stop. And Please Stop.
--Launches are scheduled for 12:05. Mid-air explosions for 12:06.
--They don't actually launch astronauts into space. They just lock them in a room with Gary Busey for 45 minutes.
--The shuttle has a Calvin-peeing-on-Earth decal.
--They get all of their info on the stars from PerezHilton.com.