Hulk Hogan has had a busy week, suing everyone involved with the release of his sex tape. Let's see what he's doing today with the Celebrity To Do List ......
--8:10 A.M.: Shower. Check for video cameras first.
--9:15 A.M.: Tights? Check. Do rag? Check. Feather boa? Check. Dignity? No check.
--10:00 A.M.: Remind myself never to become best friends with anyone whose name has the phrase "Love Sponge."
--11:00 A.M.: Make friends with new neighbor. Have sex with his wife.
--11:15 A.M.: Continue to wonder why no one takes me seriously, just because I'm a 59-year-old man with bleached blond hair who insists on ripping off his shirt every chance he gets.
--3:25 P.M.: Pour a bottle of steroids over Macho Man's grave. Reminisce.
--6:00 P.M.: Watch news. Fake outrage after hearing more about Lance Armstrong's steroid use.
--7:15 P.M.: Ask Kim Kardashian how to turn an embarrassing sex tape into a multimillion-dollar empire.
--8:00 P.M.: Remember the '80s . . . cry.